Nothing. Obviously. But if you're not convinced you have the superhuman levels of charisma required to pull that off this Christmas, then the answer, definitively, is "something".

But what?

It's a tricky one – and a genuine #FirstWorldProblem. And not one that Amazon or Firebox or a freezing afternoon zig-zagging along the high street can easily solve, because there's truly very little out there that's new and unique (and affordable) without simply being a gimmick or a variation on a theme ... and quite possibly already wallowing in the recipient's re-gifting cupboard.

Besides, few of us actually need more stuff in our lives. Giving clothes or jewellery (without a gift receipt) rarely ends well, and we've all got tech coming out of our ears already (literally, in some cases). Nobody in the history of civilisation has ever been as thrilled as they may appear to receive a gift that smells nice (unless the ad for it's in black and white, got a Hollywood A-lister in it and makes you feel fleetingly discontent with your own status in life), and just because a gift's been personalised with the recipient's name, doesn't necessarily make it a particularly useful or welcome fountain pen / coaster set / bottle of artisanal unicorn tears gin (yes, that's a thing these days).

So what does that leave?

We're kind of back to "nothing"...

Well, nothing tangible, anyway. An increasing number of people prefer to receive memorable experiences over physical gifts. Call them post-capitalism anti-consumerist adrenalin junkies if you will, but they've got a point: whether it's a few laps at Silverstone, wing-walking or just a simple relaxing spa day, experiences generate memories and emotions which stick around forever ... and don't require dusting. Excellent value for money.

Post-capitalism anti-consumerist adrenalin junkie

Giving a gift is all about making both parties feel good – which is an admirable goal. So what if you could give someone a feel-good experience every day with a single gift? An experience that you could be certain they haven't had before, and one they're guaranteed to enjoy – every single day? How would it make you feel to make someone else feel that good?

Feelin' good

Exactly. And it would help us to feel good if we could help you to feel good about helping someone else to feel good. "Us" being the creators of this Christmas's must-have wearable tech gadget: Kerv Ring1. Powered by Mastercard®, Kerv Ring is the contactless payment ring that lets the wearer make a payment by simply making a gesture above a shop's card terminal, or open the London Underground ticket barriers with a knock. Many have likened the experience of using Kerv Ring to feeling like a Jedi. Some cite Harry Potter. Others, Derren Brown. But whichever fictitious character is referenced, the overarching feeling of using Kerv Ring is one of having secret super powers that impress friends, astound baristas and invariably draw a crowd of beguiled onlookers. And (in our experience) that feeling never goes away. It's worth also mentioning that paying with Kerv Ring always results in conversation. Always. Use that nugget how you will...

If you're a parent, you'll be painfully aware that this year's top Christmas gifts for kids are Fingerlings, a troop of interactive robotic monkeys that perch on the finger2. We see no reason why high-tech fun finger adornment shouldn't be the in-thing this Christmas for grownups, too. Available in 12 sizes and 14 colour combinations, Kerv Ring is scratch-resistant and waterproof. Unlike many gifts at Christmas, Kerv Ring doesn't require batteries and it never needs charging. Kerv Ring doesn't need to be paired with a phone either – it just works ... all by itself. You couldn't want for a more stylish, useful, convenient and low-maintenance gift than Kerv Ring. And we're not just saying that.

So, getting back on topic: look at this nice Venn diagram:

    • A = People who have never even heard of Kerv Ring
    • B = People who think they have everything
    • C = People who own a Kerv Ring
    • D = People who have everything

You can't argue with maths, so if you think you still need to answer the question of what to give the person who has everything this Christmas, well, good luck with that. Try an experience involving chocolate and/or tanks – it'll certainly be memorable.

But if it turns out that you're actually looking for a Christmas gift for someone who only thinks they have everything, you know what to give them this year3. However, next Christmas, you're on your own.

1. Kerv Ring is not available in convenience stores, petrol stations or off-licenses, so don't leave it until the last minute to order.

2. If you find any Fingerlings even vaguely close to RRP, could you let us know, please?

3. Considering how close to Christmas it is, you might actually be better off buying a Kerv Ring Gift Card, so the lucky recipient can take a bit of time to get their ring size right (it comes with a free ring sizer) and decide which of the many editions they fancy rocking this season.

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08 Dec 2017